They put my name on a Red Sox jersey

The surest sign on a blog approaching (or reapproaching in this case) than sequential posts that begin with an apology for not updating recently.

So screw you guys, I’m not apologizing for nothing!

There that should save me.

I suck, I know. But cut me a little slack please. I’ve been busy lately. No busier than you I’m sure and not even any busier than me normally. I’ve just been pissier than usual about it and therefore allowed myself more slacking than I would before.

Plus I’m making up for a lifetime being a nerd but not knowing how to play Magic the Gathering or anything like it.

Even my mom knows the Street Sharks were stupid

My head hurts, I need to get working on re-baby/inlaw-proofing this house and I really want to finish season one of “Avatar: the Last Airbender” before I go to bed, so we’re doing a short, slice of life piece and calling it a day.

My mom is a pack rat and it’s pretty much ruined my life. Not only did I nearly trip and fall over a box of saved Sunday funnies in our basement and nearly crack my head open but that little mental quirk is totally hereditary. I had to force myself to throw away a broken bike pump because I had so much wasted space in garage just begging to store stuff.

Her attachment to things totally paid off a tough. A couple week ago, she brought my old Ninja Turtle figures for me and her grandchildren to play with. I could friggin’ smell my childhood coming off these things.

My son and nephew have both been going though a bit of a Turtles kick lately so it was perfect timing and a ton of fun. And better yet, my son is now hooked on the concept of playing with toys like this now.

So now we play with action figures a lot. And of course these action figures need to fight which is done in the ancient martial art of smashing the things into each other while making fight noises with your mouth and hoping your fingers don’t get smashed.

Just like his old man, he doesn’t have a lot of actual action figures, so we get to play pretend while we’re playing pretend (that guy from the memes would love it). Like today, I had to let him use his apatosaurus (the word brontosaurus is forbidden in my home) figure as a superhero.

He’ll have plenty of time in the future to learn all about the racist laws that prevent such things from ever really happening.

Man, I really thought I’d have more than that. Sorry folks, you’re getting what you’re paying for tonight.

Toads? More like frogs that gave up


No world changing plans this time, just something I’ve been carrying for a long time and really need to get off my chest.

The following animals are stupid:

Skunks: Skunks are stupid. They’re a little black and white animal whose only defense is the fact that they really really stink.

We’ll I’ve got news for you to little poofy-tailed morons, you live in Nature. Nature already stinks. It’s full of big sweaty animals with shaggy hair that never bathe or wipe or put on deodorant. Things are dying and rotting all other the place. There isn’t a thing in nature that doesn’t smell like it’s own butt.

You’re not intimidating skunks. Go evolve some fangs or something.

Time to Grin and Bare It

So I screwed up and dropped my pretty decent update schedule, so to make it up to everyone I’m going to solve all the world’s problems.

And at the low low cost of letting me see you naked.

Not just me of course, me knowing what everyone’s naughty bits look like isn’t going to solve anything. I am however convinced that many problems will go away with everyone knowing what everyone’s naughty bits look like.

This is what I’m proposing, we finally let the internet be what it’s always wanted to be, a place of true equality, a place without boundaries and place where you can truly see every naked person that has ever been naked.

Sadly he did not inherit my preference in Ninja Turtles

It’s been amazing over the last 3 years to learn what exactly is genetic.


For example, I just learned that concern for hats is hereditary on you fathers side.


So my son and I were at Lagoon, our local amusement park,  for some bonding yesterday. Not wanting to engage in another genetic fun fest known as skin cancer, we both lathered up in sunscreen and made sure to keep our hats on as much as logistically possible.

Houses and other stupid ideas


There are a lot of accomplishments in my life that I'm proud of. One of the highest of these is that I don't have to listen to my neighbors have sex anymore.

Basically I'm home owner.

Back when I was a renter, I considered home ownership to be a sound investment, a chance to take pride in something and the opportunity to build the crap out of some equity.

I'm going to be honest here, I don't know what equity is.

Now that I own a home though, I know the truth. Home ownership is a lot of financial worry, the chance for a lot of work for no pay and the opportunity to electrocute yourself.

It has been worth every dollar we’ve put into that mortgage.

Some day I'll write about how Batman needs to just get over himself

This weekend I did something I should have done a long time ago.

I ignored my family and went to the movies.

I am way behind on my summer movies this year. Actually I’m still way behind on my summer movies for the last four years.

I still carry a ticket to Star Trek that I wasn’t able to use, just hoping for a chance to plead pity from a ticket booth worker.